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Mom’s Private Chopper Charter Stunt + Delta’s Bait & Switcheroo

heliSo the AIRistocrat has been laying low for quite a while, hanging out incognito in Washington, DC and stirring up trouble there. Today I got word, however, that my mom had a stroke this afternoon and is being helicoptered from the sticks where she lives and plays bingo (kidding… that’s a sin) to a hospital better suited to treat stroke victims. Since I’ve shockingly never flown in a helicopter before, I’m fully expecting to get there tonight and find out she was just trying to one-up me on first-class private travel. She did that once before in 2008 when she conveniently decided to get severe pneumonia and go into congestive heart failure and then a coma just to get a private charter copter ride over to Duke. That sneaky snake! She was later fine back then, and I’m sure she’ll be fine after this episode too. My mom’s a tough cookie.

So as soon as I found out she was headed via air to the hospital, I booked a ticket to fly down South from DC. When I booked, Delta decided to tease me by offering me an upgrade to first class for only 70 bucks or so above the fare I was already paying. Damn them. So I went for it and figured, what the hell. If I’ve gotta stress for the next few hours, might as well stress in style again.

Well… imagine my surprise when I load my boarding passes on the spiffy Delta app and realize my second flight is in economy. Say whaaaa? Surely the short connection hop is a one-cabin aircraft, you’re thinking, right? Wrong! Turns out, Little Miss Delta did a bait and switch on me today. “Pay more to upgrade your ticket to first class.” Sold. Checkout. Then, BAM! I get my boarding pass and their tune is suddenly – “haha just kidding! That up-sell you paid more for was only for half of your trip today. We just forgot to disclose that in our tease.” Wtf?!?

When I get to the airport, homegirl at the ticket counter is evidently annoyed that I have a question about the bait n’ switcharoo and thinks that I should just be thankful that I’m on the status-based standby list for an upgrade, should one become available. However, the likelihood of that happening now that the cabin is sold out is somewhere between not gonna happen and “all those Tweens being ice-bucket-challenged are actually gonna follow through on those donation pledges” likely.

So Delta squeezes more money out of me by offering an upgrade to first class, but what they really meant was an upgrade on one segment only, but they didn’t say that in the tease or any-freggin-where before I hit “purchase” and dash off to the airport. And that’s legal and ethical how again?

On the brighter side of the moon, I’m on that flight now (the first class one, not the fraudulent second leg) and I have the cutest and sweetest flight attendant. I bitch and moan and complain so much about substandard service in my travel blogging (because believe it or not, it’s just so damn common), so I thought I’d at least provide some equal opportunity, fair and balanced-ness when I see right happen. I can’t tell this super sweet flight attendant’s name on her super tiny winged name badge and I don’t want to look too hard b/c it’ll look like I’m staring at her boobs then she might get all feminist on me and stuff. Can’t have that. I need her to keep topping off my baileys on the rocks, which she’s been pretty good about thus far.

Turbulence. In life, in love, on this trip, and even on this flight. Ugh. Just give me another baileys. And make it a double, please.